Archive for the ‘Roliga historier’ Category

”Saker du inte ska säga till din hustru-låt”

23 oktober 2009

”Saker du inte ska säga till din hustru-låt” om du vill fortsätta vara gift. 🙂

Lyssna på den på You Tube här.

Annonser

Why we love men

16 augusti 2009

A friend of mine, Julia, sent me the text below. When I tried to get in touch with her to ask if she herself had written it, she had already left on a trip and I don’t know exactly when she will be coming back.

I checked on the Internet and guess what I discovered? That there are many discussion groups on this subject! In other words, nowadays women are looking for reasons to fall in love with the opposite sex. As a man who agrees with some of these reasons, I made a list based on what they say:

We love men because they can’t fake an orgasm, even if they wanted to.

Because they will never understand us, yet even so they go on trying.

Because they still manage to see our beauty, even when we ourselves no longer believe it.

Because they understand equations, politics, maths and economics, but not the feminine heart.

Because they are lovers who only rest when we have had (or pretend to have had) pleasure.

Because they manage to raise sport to something bordering on religion.

Because they are never afraid of the dark.

Because they insist on fixing things that are beyond their capacity, and dedicate themselves to this with the same enthusiasm as an adolescent, and get frustrated when they don’t succeed.

Because they are like pomegranates: most of them is impossible to digest, but the seeds are delicious.

Because they never comment on what the neighbors might think.

Because we always know what they are thinking, and when they open their mouth they say exactly what we imagined they would.

Because they never dreamed of torturing themselves wearing high heels.

Because they love to explore our body and conquer our soul.

Because a 14-year-old girl can leave them speechless, and a 25-year-old woman can tame them quite effortlessly.

Because they are always attracted by extremes: the opulent or the ascetic, warriors or monks, artists or generals.

Because they do absolutely everything possible to try to hide their weaknesses.

Because a man’s biggest fear is not being a man (it never crosses a woman’s mind not to be a woman).

Because they always eat everything on their plate, and don’t feel guilty about it.

Because they take great delight in completely uninteresting matters, such as what happened at work, or different makes of automobiles.

Because they have shoulders where we can rest our heads and sleep without much effort.

Because they are at peace with their bodies, except for small, insignificant things like growing bald and getting fat.

Because they are incredibly courageous in front of insects.

Because they never lie about their age.

Because despite everything they try to demonstrate, they can’t live without a woman.

Because when we tell one of them “I love you”, they always ask us to explain exactly how.

One reader, Kristen, claims that we know absolutely nothing about feminine nature, and sends us the following list:

1 – We women are born detectives. In our eyes, all men are suspect and their adventures will end up being discovered – it’s just a matter of time.

2 – Even if we are not in love with you, hearing “I love you” is a balm to our souls. And if you don’t say it, we will notice and become sad.

3 – The same thing happens with “you are beautiful”. It takes less than two seconds to say these three magical words, which can change our nightmares into real fairy tales.

4 – If we ask what clothes we should wear, don’t be annoyed if we put on exactly the opposite of what you chose – that’s part of our nature.

5 – At a party we are capable of scanning the whole room in less than a minute to find out what interests us. Just watch.

6 – We think of sex with the same compulsion as men – or maybe even more so. The only difference is that we don’t show it.

7 – If we don’t accept immediately an invitation to dinner or a first date, don’t worry – we just need a few days to lose the extra kilos that we always feel are ruining our lives.

8 – Women always remember everything. If you ask when we met, none of us will say: “at a party”. We will say: “it was a Tuesday, right after a dinner where they served salad and chicken broth, and you were wearing a black blazer and designer shoes, and so on.

9 – However much love we are capable of giving, there are seven days when we want to be far from everything and everybody. You have two options: tie yourself to a lamp-post and wait till the storm is over, or else go the nearest jeweler’s and buy a present. We recommend the second option.

10 – We have as much power of reasoning as men do. But we don’t need to make this evident, otherwise you will feel insecure. Women who do that end up alone.

11 – We love all kinds of hair on the male body, although waxing is our favorite torture.

12 – We hate making love when we don’t feel like it, but we do it anyway, and you will never be able to notice the difference.

13 – Play with our pets and our children, and we will play with you. Ignore them, and we will ignore you too.

14 – Women are equipped with X-ray vision. We can look at hard, dark eyes and discover the child hiding behind them. We can stare at angel-blue eyes and discover the demon that lies there. We know when men are pretending to be sleeping from tiredness or – more obviously – when they are pretending not to be sleeping with someone else.

15 – Not all women want marriage and children. Many just want orgasms and pets.

16 – When delicateness is genuine, it can melt our hardened hearts.

17 – If we have some problem to discuss with you, don’t try to give us the solution, we already have one. It’s just a pretext to prevent the relationship ending in boredom.

Källa: www.warriorofthelight.com

Skoja med Fuglesang

15 augusti 2009

Vill du pigga upp någon du är intresserad av? Skicka det här till henne/honom:

”Om någon vecka ska Fuglesang ut i rymden igen. När han kommer tillbaka ska alla ha klätt ut sig till apor. Det är viktigt att ni sprider informationen till era vänner och att alla är med, annars funkar inte skämtet.”

(Källa: Facebook)

Kvinnligt/manligt språk

20 maj 2009

Inte helt seriöst. Men lite roligt. Själv känner jag igen mig väldigt väl i nr 4…

Kvinnors svenska i vardagen
1. Ja = Nej
2. Nej = Ja
3. Kanske = Nej
4. Vi behöver = Jag vill ha
5. Jag är ledsen, men… = Du kommer att få ångra det här
6. Vi behöver prata…. = Nu har du ställt till det…
7. OK, gör som du vill = Passa dig jävligt noga
8. Jag är inte alls arg = Klart jag är arg, din idiot.
9. Vad du är uppvaktande ikväll = Tänker du bara på sex?

Mäns svenska i vardagen
1. Jag är hungrig = Jag är hungrig
2. Jag är sömnig = Jag är sömnig
3. Snygg klänning = Snygg urringning
4. Jag älskar dig = Jag vill ligga nu
5. Jag har tråkigt = Vill du ligga med mig?
6. Ska vi dansa? = Vill du ligga med mig?
7. Kan jag ringa dig nån gång? = Vill du ligga med mig?
8. Ska vi gå på bio? = Vill du ligga med mig?
9. Får jag bjuda dig på middag? = Vill du ligga med mig?
10. Dom skorna passar inte till dräkten = Jag är bög

Källa: Ann-Sofie Anderssons blogg, Mix Megapol

Why Men Don’t Write Advice Columns

25 april 2009

n521931482_1834778_27211052Dear Norman,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.

I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor’s daughter.

I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor’s daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless.

I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counseling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely, Shelly

******************************

Dear Shelly:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine.

Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires.

If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. I hope this helps.

Norman